We are moving to Shanghai. This was a long decision process. My children are half Chinese but it’s the invisible half. They are as American as every other American around them. And they love America.
I will admit that I am probably biased. My children in my eyes are the embodiment of all the great American qualities and spirit that I admire. They are creative, they are care free, they are unafraid, are open, tolerant, sensitive, beautiful and bright. They love small town living.
It’s not like they can’t imagine living in Shanghai. In August they went with me to check out schools in Shanghai and got excited by a lot of things that they experienced there: Dinner above the clouds in one of the world’s tallest buildings, the brand new modern subway system, super grand impressive suspension bridges with amazing views of the Bund and Pudong, window shopping at fancy flagship luxury stores, extremely friendly hotel staff, the relocation agent that was always ready to help us… They know Shanghai is hot, cool, flashy, dazzling, exciting, the talk of the world, but they also know Shanghai is noisy, congested, confining, foreign and Shanghai offers nothing like small town living in America.
They loved their visit to Shanghai. But at the end of their trip, they were so happy to be just home again in America. As they put it: What do we see in Shanghai? – Another skyscraper. What do we have in America? – Parks, baseball fields, marshmallow and trick or treat…
I can’t blame them. How can I? This is almost exactly how I feel after each of my trips. The only difference is that I actually can appreciate both ends of the spectrum. Shanghai and Morristown, each awakens totally different senses of mine upon the thought of either place, nearing either place or living it.
As distance often makes our heart grow fonder, our love for this small town life has intensified especially since we started our preparation for departure.
On weekends I often walk with my children to the Green – our town center. My son has long declared that it’s his favorite place in town. The Green, surrounded by old and new buildings, offers a perfect harmony of beautiful gardens, seasonal decorations, and random people from all walks of life, each at a different pace. We often stop at our favorite local café Greenberry for a tea or a smoothie. Sometimes we go to the local creamery. We will run into the same strangers that we have seen before, or sometimes friends that we have not seen in a long time.
Sometimes we bike around the neighborhood, or we bike to the library and back. We breathe in fresh air. We feel the warmth of the sun, breezes of the season. We bathe in our bountiful and beautiful life.
Sometimes we sit on our porch and have an afternoon tea. We watch squirrels climb up and down our cherry trees in the backyard, we see maple leaves turn gold, orange, red and fall. We hear neighbors laugh while walking by our porch, with their children, dogs. They go to churches, or the community theater or they simply do what we do – enjoying this simple yet colorful life in a small town in America.
We can’t seem to get enough of it… And I know for sure, we will miss it even more when we feel lost in the crowds and excitement in Shanghai. I hope we will come back often to visit our small town, in person and in spirit. We will savour our memories of this beautiful life while we continue our journey and embrace our future.
My next blog in this column will be about the privilege of an American soccer mom. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts below in the comment section.
In empathy
A responsive chord is struck. A tear is shed. The sentiments you express, Xw, are near and dear to my heart. Having both lived in cities and small towns, urban, suburban and rural, horizontal and vertical, I have enjoyed best the community spirit of the small town. Here, people shed their anonymity, greet you in a more personal way, bring up families much like your own, with the trials and tribulations that are a part of living. Somehow it is more transparent...more visible...more visceral than in the 'anonimized,' atomized world of the big city. Big city people keep to themselves. Small town people shed the protective veneer of anonymity.
Xw, you will miss the neighbor stopping by on the front lawn to chat. The feeling of community. The independence to jump into your car and drive to the corner grocery to buy a loaf of bread or bottle of milk. Seeing the kids play in the yard. Kick a soccer ball around in the grass. Have room to grow. In the big city, every excursion requires planning. When to catch the train. Being sure you buy everything needed, because making another trip will again require planning. But don't buy too much! How are you gonna haul it up from the cab or train into your cubbyhole in the sky? When spring comes around, there won't be a garden in which to plant your flowers and vegetables. There will be a pot along the window sill. When fall arrives, the fiery maples of the countryside and neighborhood yards will be replaced by light poles and endless sidewalks of gray cement. An occasional tree whose leaves turn from green to brown with nothing in-between, like traffic lights missing the yellow. Say goodbye to picking apples, cherries and raspberries in the yard. When winter arrives, if there's any snow (and there won't be in Shanghai), it will be puny and turn into slush in minutes. Let's not even talk about summer.
Yes, there is the essence of what it is to be an American in small town life. Peace, quiet, friendship, neighborliness, spirituality, community, but to me...most of all, independence. Xw, be well in your next chapter of life. Love your treasured children. They are why you are seeking a more secure, prosperous future in a distant land.
I'm glad you got to partake of small town America. Say "goodbye" to being a soccer mom, but nourish the memories. They will be all that remain.
Bon voyage! As we say in Texas, "Y'all come back someday!"
I'm sad to hear this
I just finished a new HealthNuz and MinuteNuz (and a couple of days ago a new Independent Perspective) and figured I'd spend some time getting caught up on other people's blogs (did everyone see Kay's amazing fire video?), and all of a sudden, out of the blue, I came across this and it has -- for reasons I can't explain -- made me really sad.
I guess primarily for the sake of the kids -- and I guess for all the reasons you mention. Of course, I've never been to Shanghai, but (as you indicated) it doesn't sound very nature oriented, which is what I (and I think most kids) value most. I've never had much interest in (for example) living amongst the skyscrapers of downtown; my dream (regarding location) has always been to simply live in a better suburb (or small town) than where I grew up (and can currently afford).
Of course, I realize life is full of trade-offs, and you must have compelling reasons to move there. I hope it goes well for you (and the kids).